I am still very new to parenting. I have two daughters, one who is 2 and one who is due to be born in the next month. It is funny because when I used to babysit when I was in college and seminary, I loved babysitting toddlers. They were so much fun and so innocent. I loved being silly with them. But as I have become a parent, I have noticed that having a 2 yr old is much harder than I previously thought. Toddlers are mentally in an extremely high emotion and narcissistic phase of brain development. And I don’t know if it is because I have heard other people talk about raising girls or what, but I struggle with a fear of raising “bratty girls.” Through this parenting journey, though, God is revealing so much of my heart and what needs to change inside of me to become more like Jesus through parenting.
God is revealing to me how I tend to:
- I tend to look at what is difficult about a season. This honestly surprised me because I am pretty resilient. But I am learning that sometimes I make things harder on myself by focusing on what is hard instead of looking to the beauty in each season and soaking in those moments. I want to resolve to soak up the sweet cuddle moments with my little ladies. The moments of complete relaxation in my arms. I will savor them and make them last longer in my mind than the moments of disobedience and frustration.
- Parenting, and particularly, discipline sure does reveal a lot about how you talk to and see yourself. It has been a long time since I have been face to face with myself in this way, and to be honest, I am not pleased by what I am seeing. I am incredibly hard on myself. But here is the tricky part – its not hard on myself as a perfectionist. I am not a perfectionist by any means. However, I do tend to perform. The difference is subtle but real. It is a little embarrassing to admit, but there it is. My parenting and my discipline tends to come out as encouraging my daughter to perform. Yuck, right?! I desperately don’t want her to feel this but the only way that is going to change is if I lose my felt need to perform. Whatever is inside me is going to come out in my parenting. I resolve to seek Christ-likeness and die to my need to perform. I don’t have to make anything look good. I just need to surrender to the one who changes my heart and relieves the anxiety that comes when I am “under functioning”.
What are some things that God is revealing to you about your heart? What is He revealing it through? Share in the comments; I would love to partner with you in prayer about it!